I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
