I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
