i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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