i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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