there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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