Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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