NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
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The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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