Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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