Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
