I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
