I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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