if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
