I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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