Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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