Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize