just tell him i said nine months
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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