my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize