Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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