I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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