I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
