he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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