I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
