First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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