it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
