it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I touched a dick in church today
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
