I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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