It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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