Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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