I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
