i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
