Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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