i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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