its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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