UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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