I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
not ubering you a puppy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
