he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
