Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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