do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
