I just cut my nipple shaving
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
