He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
