Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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