He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
