dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just cut my nipple shaving
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
