You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
