its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize