i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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