so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
