We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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