Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
