Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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