Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
