I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
