Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
