I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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