I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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