Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
