jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
