i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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