Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
