You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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