if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
