The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
