I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
