I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
