Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
3pm strippers are depressing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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