he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
