Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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