so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
