He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
