My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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