party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
